Happy Birthday to my "baby"

Exciting week, my youngest baby, turned 15 this weekend - where the heck have all those years gone eh??? And how can I possibly be mature and responsible and old enough to be the parent of a baby who is now 15???? What is with that???





My two darlings are like chalk and cheese in so many ways. Yet in ways that complement each other and ways that bring them really close together in these teen years, hanging with each other and really enjoying each others company.





I guess like most parents dealing with the disability card in the pack, there is a lot of guilt in there for the "child without the disability". All that time consumed in appointments, AVT etc - sure it was no picnic for A but his younger brother didn't really get that, just got the fact that he got to get time out of school and with mum while his younger brother did not! I'm not sure that ever goes away, that feeling of guilt, even though the rational brain tells you that you made special times for him and that he really didn't miss out - the thought that he might have still lingers.





So double whammy on the spoiling front really??? Baby of the family and mum's guilt trip win-win for him really.





He is the musician of our family, been playing guitar for 4 years now and so wanted a new guitar for his birthday. Since he is so passionate about it, we were very happy to buy him one - damn the kid has taste, check out this little beauty!!!





He has been playing it every day since, it has a great sound, even when he cranks up the distortion on the amp to hit me with Metallica, Black Sabbath or other such ilk!!! Still at least I know where he is and what he is doing, puts me way in front of some other poor mothers.





So of course was the shopping for the birthday card, funny and crude (yep sadly often mum's usual fare!!) or soppy and sentimental for my benefit, "Oh god you are so embarassing" for him.





Then I happened on a really beautiful card, thanks Hallmark! The words were just so right for where he is right now, so caught in the teen angst of fitting in and having no idea what he wants to do with the rest of his life - hello he is only 15 after all.





I so loved the words, I thought I would share them here...





Someday, Son,


you will become a "sir" -


the world will expect you


to wear ties and pay taxes


and take care of your lawn.


People will try to sell you insurance


and major appliances.





You may feel the urge


to carry an umbrella "just in case"


and go to bed early on Saturdays.


You'll hear your favourite songs


in a lift.





So take it from someone who knows,


someone who loves you-


there'll never be another time


in your life like this.





Be happy.





Laugh until it hurts.





Dance.





Dream.





Do good stuff.





Ask questions.





Stop for pizza.





Order extra-large.....





Hang out with friends.





Find something that matters


and be a part of it.





The world is full of "sirs"


But there is only one you


only one now.





Enjoy!

what a week!

Hmm it has been awhile since I have blogged here - didn't realise quite how long!

I know it was the case for me and I know speaking to parents of newly diagnosed babies it is the case for them too, when you find out your child has a hearing loss, all you want to know is that they are going to be ok!





I can remember all those worries as if they were yesterday, would he have friends, how would he cope as he got older etc etc etc.





Last week was such a wow week and has made me reflect back to those feelings at that time, and how far we have come since then.





Last week A has been on work experience week. He chose to do it at one of the Universities here in the school of Chemical & Pharmaceutical Engineering. The work experience program itself looked daunting, but for us as his parents all the rest of the stuff was just as daunting.





OK so he is a teen, and maybe we have protected him just a bit *smile* but for one reason or another, it hasn't happened that he has needed to travel on public transport on his own. Being able to head into the city every day while we were working meant that this was going to happen during work experience week - a somewhat scary thought for his parents!



That and coping with people he didn't know, expectations of him from people that didn't know him and had probably never dealt with a person with a cochlear implant!! Oh it made me want to wrap him a in a hug and keep him safe with me : - )



Of course it was never going to be like that! Of course he would go, it was an ideal time for him to grow, take on some new challenges - I mean for goodness sake he is old enough to get his "learners"!



So the last week of the school holidays, A and I did the dummy run on the train into the city, walked to the Uni and even met one of the people of the work experience program when we went to find the office he had to meet at the following Monday. It nearly killed the both of us being up early enough to catch the train just after 8am!



That Sunday night we chatted before he went to bed that he was a little nervous about the next day, not so much the train trip on his own for the first time but more so work experience and what it would be like.



Of course I made the mistake of opening my mouth and letting B know that - no he didn't tease him - read on to find out why that was a mistake!!



I didn't sleep well Sunday night - you know worrying is part of the mum job title! I kept dreaming that things happened and he was stranded in the city! I mean really he has a mobile and all the wonders of modern technology at his disposal - so why was I worrying???



Monday morning came, B and I headed off for school, hubby and A left for the train station. I had asked A to sms me when he arrived at the Uni just so I knew he arrived safe and sound. A short time later hubby called to say he had deposited A at the station and offered to let him sit in the car awhile, but A was having none of it, he was out on the platform ready to go.....so hubby drove off leaving the image of a lone soul at the station in his rear view mirror.



Then around 9am came the sms, he was there no worries, and of course I was under instructions to sms hubby when I knew that our "baby" was safe!



I had to be in the city that first afternoon for a meeting so I arranged to meet A at the Uni and drive him home - well I don't think he shut up the whole way home, except the momentary stop in order to draw breath.

First he started talking to me about a friend "Ben" on the train - I thought at first it was another school friend going to work experience that happened to catch the same train. Nope Ben was an arts student at the Uni, and apparently he had to make a mad dash sprint for the train because he was running late and nearly missed it - oh and that was because he had one of those mornings when you keep hitting the snooze button thinking to yourself "just 5 more minutes, just 5 more minutes" and next thing you know you are running late and have to sprint for the train.

Of course this information was gleaned in a mutual conversation on a moving, rumbling train with less than brilliant acoustics chatting to some guy he had never seen before, but who between the two of them, had struck up a conversation on the way into the city!

After we exhausted that subject it was on to the supervisor and the photos of the 2 dogs she had at her desk in the office. He was suggesting to me what breeds he thought they were but that he didn't get a chance to ask because there was so much work experience related stuff.

Then it was on to the student paired with him for work experience "Tatiana". He shared with me, what school she was from, some stuff about her parents, and her country of birth, the subjects she was doing at school blah blah blah blah...

Here was me worrying about how he might do dealing with people and what if he had trouble understanding them??? Trouble understanding them, sounds like he drove them nuts involving them in conversations all day!

Although I did ask about him and his haste to get out of the car in the morning at the station...."oh mum I love Dad, but he WAS DRIVING ME NUTS!.....asking me if I had this, had that, did I know this, know that....I couldn't stand it, I had to get out!

Oh and telling Master B of A's nervousness about day 1.....turns out I was not the only one that didn't sleep well..apparently he tossed and turned all night worrying about his big brother going on the train by himself for the first time and into the city and work experience and all that...what a beautiful soul my son has, his sensitivity and caring takes my breath away some days.

And that was just day 1 - I have 4 more days to post yet!

The stuff of dreams

It has been a big few weeks in our household. A is more travelled than the rest of our family these days.

He went with the schools gifted and talented trip to Canberra where they spent 3 days looking at all kinds of things. They visited the war memorial, parliament house, old parliament house, the National Gallery, the Australian Institute of Sport and other places of interest in Canberra. Despite being almost 16 years of age, A recognises the huge benefit he gains using his FM in noisy environments. So at a meeting prior to the trip he negotiated with the teacher accompanying them that they would hand the transmitter to each of the people speaking. At the end of the day A would take it back to charge it up overnight. The whole system worked beautifully and he could enjoy standing at the back of the group (where all cool Yr 10 boys stand on these kinds of trips!!) and still hear everything that was said. Using his FM gave him the freedom to just hang with his mates and still benefit from what the speakers were sharing with the group.

On his arrival home, his best friend headed off for a different school camp, the one he will head off on in 2 weeks time. So by the time his friend returned, they had missed out seeing each other for almost 2 weeks. As his friend lives near the school, he wanted to go around and visit even though his friend hadn't been at school that day - too tired after camp no doubt. I told A he would need to call to make sure that was ok first. He picked up the phone in my office and called his friend. I left the room to do some stuff and returned to find him still talking on the phone. Yes they had organised he would go over there and he would actually be there in person in under 30 minutes, but no that didn't mean they should stop talking now. So sitting in my chair, on my phone A is giving me the typical teenager hand waving meaning "go away can't you see I am busy here?" I had plenty of other stuff to do so I left him to it.

When I returned he was off the phone and relaying to me what his friend had said about camp. I listened on as he gave me more and more details of how the camp went and that his friend didn't really think that much of this one compared to previous ones. As I listened to him go on and on and on, a warm glow started from the inside. It started in the cockles of my heart and then it started to spread. It spread all the way down to my toes that tingled in delight. It spread all the way up my body, culminating in the biggest smile across my face. So why was I a grown women, sitting there grinning like a cheshire cat?

It was because when meningitis robbed A of his hearing, and I heard the words "profound hearing loss" and I felt all of my internal organs shake in that soundbooth when we tested at 90dB and yet still he didn't hear it, I was devastated. I feared for him and what his future might hold, I was scared to death that maybe he wouldn't have any friends, he wouldn't be able to go to school with his hearing brother. Granted these were fears from a position of ignorance as to just what is possible, but it is a position that I feel many people who don't have a friend or relative with a hearing loss, may well still believe. At that point I knew nothing about cochlear implants, auditory verbal therapy (AVT), FMs or anything else.

At that time I never dared to dream that what I had just witnessed (my teen chatting on the phone to his friend) might even be possible! I never dared to dream that he would turn into this amazing young man, a young man full of self confidence, achieving both academic and social success in his school. Equally a young man who whilst on the flight home from Canberra generously offered to pay for a fellow student's drink as she had no money left and was feeling unwell with a headache on the flight home.

So for parents just starting out on this journey, may you feel the joy of this post. May you just get a small snapshot into what life may well be like for your child when they reach their teenage dreams. For you as parents, take a moment to catch your breath, but most of all take a moment and dare to dream! Dare to dream about just what is possible for your child.