Tagged not once but twice

Ok so I have been Mummy Meme tagged twice now so I guess I had better get my act together and do it - I should be preparing my presentation for a conference but well here goes....

Sooo 5 things I love about being a mummy......

1. I loved being pregnant - yeah I know Kath and a few others are now shouting "b***h" at their computer screens. I was one of the lucky ones, a couple of weeks of nausea, no vomiting or any of that stuff...and that was it...so pregnancy was a real joy for me, I loved feeling my babies moving around and growing inside of me and both of my boys had hiccups in utero that would cause to pause momentarily feeling like I had accidentally sat on a washing machine at full spin and not noticed, only to release the vibrations were coming from the inside!!

2. Of course it wasn't part of the plan that I would have 2 babies with only 15 months separating them!! However it was perfect - sure it was tough early on but then they were old enough to be instant buddies and into the same thing. I got to be the mum on the sideline when both the boys were playing on the same soccer team and yes you would be shocked to know - I am a noisy soccer mum!! I can't help it, I get so excited, that I can't help but cheer. Being a mum, I love that I get to watch my boys become part of a team, learn new skills and see that look of pride when they master a new skill or kick that most unlikely goal.

3. Unlike some I was fortunate to be in the position where I didn't work much when my babies were young. I was lucky enough to pick up about 15 hours a week in which time hubby was home with the boys. It was sanity escape time and time spent with adults - woohoo; and great bonding time for Dad and his boys. So since I wasn't working I got to do all those mummy things like walking to the playground and just letting them play, kindergym, playgroup, play dates at the houses of the mum's I met in those pre-birth classes. I had so much time with them to just "be", to see them and watch them grow and develop and those memories will truly last a life time.

4. One of my most favourite parts of being a mum is never having to grow up! As I tell the boys, I might have to grow old but I don't have to grow up! I often get told by sons that "you know you are sooo immature". Granted I often earn that title by throwing cold water over the top of the shower at them, or lobbing a soft toy on to their beds while they are in it and then bolting down stairs again before they can get me back!! I love that playing pranks on them and getting pranked by them keeps such a sense of fun and laughter in my life.

5.The love the priviledge of spending time with these gorgeous young men that are now on the verge of adulthood! I so enjoy who they are becoming and look on a little in sheer wonder at the fact that I gave birth to two guys who are so amazing and that they turned out the way they did inspite of my parenting. I love the lessons they have taught me. I love that through them I recognise that different people have different talents and success for each person is different. I love that they have taught me not to compare, not to lament what is not or what might be, but to live for now and love for now, and make sure you tell each other you love each other, every day!!!

The trip of a lifetime

Well I have been a little slack about keeping the blog updated - been a bit busy of late - conference in my home town - more on that later - and of course getting everything organised for my trip of a lifetime!!!


Next Wednesday I am off, leaving on a jet plane to head to California to attend the Cochlear Americas Celebration. But perhaps most exciting of all, I am getting to meet Dee.



It is a long and complicated story, often times people think we are all just a little strange when we tell it. In fact someone asked just recently who Dee was on my facebook page and she replied it was kind of complicated we were part of a gang but a really nice friendly gang hahahaha

Back in 1998 Karen B & I started CI Circle. We started it so that parents could get information about cochlear implants for their children but without being judged by others for considering this option. When it started we had 8 people, now we have over 1700 members!

When CI Circle got too big we missed the "chats" the original 8 had so we set up a group on our respective computer email programs and nicknamed ourselves "the gang". Over the last 11 years we have been corresponding with each other sharing stories, good days, bad days and everything in between.

In fact in April of 1998 we put together a little book with a page about our families and photos and one child of the families designed a cover for us and everything, then we had it printed and bound, so we could all "meet" from our different parts of the world.

In August of 2002, Mike, Dee's son was in Australia for a study tour, so we flew him to SA and he attended a Parents of the Hearing Impaired of SA (PHISA) camp with us. It was brilliant meeting Mike and having him come on camp with us and then stay a few days with us. A was pretty stoked to have Mike in the house so there were two people with implants staying at our place.

Up until now Mike's mum, Dee, and I have never met. Then early this year this amazing lady made me the most generous offer. She was using her frequent flyer points to fly me to the conference so that I could stay with her and then do some sightseeing with her in her hometown as well! I am still pinching myself at the generosity she has shown me and I am just about busting with excitement that we are going to meet in a matter of days now!

Then I get an invitation for a garden tea party, and read on to find out I am the guest of honour, yep I am serious! Her workmates are experts at planning these things so they have taken it on so Dee and I can just sit and enjoy ourselves in her garden and she can introduce me to the family and friends that are special to her. I have never been the guest of honour at a garden tea party before - it is quite overwhelming.

So on Wednesday I hit the skies for my flight to the otherside of the world (14 & 1/2 hours for one of the flights!!) I haven't left yet and already it is the trip of a lifetime. I can't wait to see what awaits when I get there. To meet Dee and her family/friends, to meet some of the CI Circle families whose emails I read quite regularly on the circle, to see Rachel again - it seems so long ago since she was here with us in December last year. It is going to be a jam packed week over there and I am so excited I am like the child waiting for Christmas....

The sublime moments

Just a quick note of one of those sublime moments that caught me today.

A was complaining of a sore back so I made him an appointment with the physiotherapist. It is one of those clinics that unless you have ongoing care issues, or a burning desire to see the same person every time, you can just get an appointment with whoever. Since A wanted an appointment today we took the latter option.

So there he is, all 6'4" of him stretched out on the bed, with his face shoved down inside one of those donut type pillows they use. The physiotherapist was a lovely young Indian girl who still had an accent in her speech. She started asking A questions about where it hurt and what it felt like when she did this or that. I sat there having a moment to really ponder just how far we have come. There is A face down, answering all these questions, with her accented speech. No other cues for him but auditory listening to her speaking. What a wonderful gift the cochlear implant has been for him, and how different might his life been if this technology was not available to him?

Fine Cusine reigns supreme

Well hot on the heels of the beautiful cream puffs came tea cake with an apple & cinnamon topping - oh and get this, Master B baked it last 2 lessons on Friday, so we headed home with warm tea cake to have with our after school drinks! Ah yeah, doesn't get much better than that.

This week I believe it is cup cakes and some fun decorating them. I'm not sure who is more suprised us or Master B at his cullinary efforts. He has become quite the chef and what is so exciting is seeing his self-confidence soar and having that sense of satisfaction of a job well done when he looks at the products he has baked each week - truly awesome.

Interestingly Mr "I hate art" found a book we got him years ago about how to draw Manga figures. He found it on the weekend and decided to have a go - granted he should have been doing his science practical write up, but hey at least he found a creative way to avoid doing it.

And not a bad first attempt either I might add!!

Check out these masterpieces

Yeah ok I know the blog title is lessons learned from A - but well sometimes it gets a bit too much about A, case in point, my previous post!!

So today's post is all about the gorgeous Master B. I have mentioned before he is at that age where he really has no clue as to what he wants to do in terms of future study or career options. So he has tried to choose as many different elective subjects this year to expose him to different options.

One subject this semester is Food Studies - well I have come to love Fridays because that is when the food comes home.

Week 1 we are greeted with still warm date scones, fresh from the oven.
Week 2 they made the pastry early in the week and froze it, and come Friday hey presto 4 yummy pasties with the best pastry on them.
Week 3 more pastry early in the week, then a beautiful apple and cinnamon pie with puff pastry actually made by hand, not out of the packet in the freezer.

But this week, week 4 - the little beauties in the photo - cream puffs. B and his class mates made their puffs early in the week and froze them and then today he filled them slices of strawberry and fresh whipped cream and then finished them off by drizzling melted chocolate all over them.

The cream puffs were magnificent, they were dessert tonight! He was so proud of them, as he should be, he did an outstanding job. In fact all of the things he has brought home and have all been great quality, and he seems to be enjoying this subject too - who knows perhaps a career in hospitality beckons???? Either way, it won't go to waste, great way to impress the girls by whipping them up a few divine cream puffs : - )

Well done, mate - you are a legend and your cream puffs are simply masterpieces!!!

Interesting times

Well its been awhile since I blogged - life gets crazy and then it is "well should I really blog that or not?" - always a tough call

The boys have been back at school 3 weeks and it has been "interesting times".

A is doing the International Baccelaureate program which means he is getting plenty of work to do and because he is such a damn perfectionist makes life harder for himself particulary with his inescapable talent of not being able to see the wood for the trees! So it usually is at certain moments that mum or dad need to intervene to circumvent the impending melt down. Just the equivalent of a "stop - take a breath, what are you trying to do?" and then he works with whichever one of us it happens to be to get some logic and rational thought happening and then he is on his way.

For the first time ever A & B both have the same teacher for English this year, and this teacher has never had either of them before. Well we didn't even make it to the end of week 1 when the teacher asked if she could speak to me a moment. She went on tell me she accidentally called B by A's name and the response she got went something like "oh I'm dumb and stupid, don't even waste your time on me" - oh yeah baby just kick me in the guts and jam that knife in and out of my chest a few times.... I thought my knees might crumple actually but I did hold it together enough to thank her for letting me know....

I guess we kind of know where it has come from but it didn't make it any easier. New year, new classes and B has been split off from many of his friends, (although does have friends in his class) and I might say it is in all their best interests for this to be the case! Plus they are now having more choice of subject and that means different class groups too. So B is still settling into the classroom dynamic of the new year and finding his feet.

Whilst this is going on A has been doing the IB stuff and doing a personal leadership course (hmm yeah promised a blog on that one didn't I? Back on my to do list!) So I guess he was getting a fair degree of the spotlight....UGH...

So hubby and I spent time individually telling him how proud we were of him, recognising his love is music, his brother's academia - and that doesn't make either one of them better than the other, just different. I pulled A aside and shared with him the comment and how B must be feeling and told him that B was going to get showered in praise and attention for awhile. It didn't mean we loved A any less or that we were not interested or proud of what he was doing/achieving we just needed B to feel like he was in the spotlight for awhile.

Here is the real kicker though - you think you have done this deafness/special needs kid thing and are coming through ok and something like this happens and knocks you for six! Have I neglected the one with normal hearing, is that why he doesn't feel like he is valued, or that A is somehow more worthy than him?

My logical brain knows how much we have done for him to have special time away from A with either hubby or myself. My logical brain also knows that we share our love and praise and pride with both boys equally.

Equally my brain knows my brother growing up always believed that I, the younger and also more academic of the two of us, was more loved than he was! Funny thing is Dad shared with me when I was older as proud as he was of my achievements, he was kind of more proud of my brother because he had to work harder to do well at school - go figure! I also know other families where kids are jealous of each other, think one child is more loved than they are and these are families without deaf kids! It is just part of family life, sibling dynamics and all that stuff.

It still freaks me out though how my first reaction is that of parental guilt! That somehow we haven't made things equal or made B feel special or that A's deafness has overwhelmed things to B's detriment. Why is that? Why do we feel like it must be our fault or that we should have done something differently or that we have simply buggered things up again? I wish I knew, then maybe I might have shaken that pit of my stomach feeling of despair that haunted me for days after this happened.

I guess at the end of the day we can only do what we can do. B has started taking two lots of guitar lessons, that is his passion. He is there right now and will be coming home soon. He is also doing food studies at school and is actually a pretty darn good cook. Right now the apple pie he made at school is finishing off its last minute baking in the oven so we can have it after dinner tonight when he gets home. I would have praised him for his efforts anyways but by the smell of apple and cinnamon permeating my house, I don't think I will be the only one. If only we could capture those special little moments and replay them to our loved little ones when they get down on themselves and need some reassurance about just how talented they are.

But alas instead we just have stumble along this parenting trip trying our best to try to get it right most of the time - and not to take so much of it personally
: - ) Maternal guilt, comes with the uterus doesn't it???

Wise Old Sage

Yeah that title got your attention didn't it??

Funny thing is those words came from A, not me! This week we went to have coffee with a teacher A had several years ago at his old school. We try to catch up with this guy several times a year for a coffee and catch up on life. That year was one of profound impacts on both parties. He made a profound impact on A by making A responsible for dealing with social issues like friendships, recognising that friendships take work and that he had to meet people half way. A, too made a profound impact on this teacher, and he still talks regularly about him to people he meets.

After spending a couple of hours together with him, A and I were travelling home and talking in the car. We talked about how his teacher joked and teased him about an upcoming peer mentoring program he is doing (that is another blog coming). At one point during coffee, his teacher said something along the lines of "hmm you thought you would get away with the social stuff with me didn't you, that I would just fix it, but you were wrong" to which A responded "yep that was a turning poing"

hellllooooo my 16 year old comes out with "yep that was a turning point" - how the heck did I raise a child that is so self-aware that he can see a "turning point" in his life when he is now 16 and he was about 12 at the time of the "turning point"!!! That alone messes with my head.

Then on the way home he talked about that some more and then went on to talk about leadership and mentoring. He told me that he seems to have "become the "go-to guy, the wise old sage kind of" with his school friends and peers. It seems his friends or their girlfriends seek his counsel at times of difficulty or relationship issues. I suggested perhaps it is because he is very logical and rational in his thought processes so they know he will give them good advice.

I have said since he was very young that he is what I call "an old soul, someone who has been here before" - he has always had a maturity beyond his years and a way of looking at the world that is quite unique and beyond his level of life experience - WISE OLD SAGE indeed : - )

Good friends

Yesterday was an awesome today, I caught up with a friend I have seen in like 9 or so years!

She and I were at university together, not in the same courses but we knew some of the same people and became friends.

After leaving Uni we caught up a few times and I don't know life tended to get in the way. We both had kids, her marriage broke up and well she was flat out dealing with life as a working single mother. Each year we dutifully sent each other Christmas cards with a letter of what the year had brought for each of us, and each year saying "it has been too long we must catch up".

Well this year we actually did do that! She and her partner, her 2 kids and his 1 child, all came over for lunch. It was great. All the kids got on really well, yep love the Wii : - ) Her partner is a really lovely guy and we all got on really well together. We sat and talked and talked and talked, all afternoon about all kind of stuff - it was really nice.

I guess that is the thing about good friends, you can not see each in other in ages and when you do, it is like you have never been apart, you just pick up where you left off before.

Except this time we have made a tentative date for later in the year to do it again, otherwise before we know it, another 10 years will have gone by!

Beautiful things online

If you believe everything you see in the media, you would be convinced all that lurks online are paedophiles, perverts, sex addicts and any other nasty you can think of.

Sure they are there but so too are all the most beautiful things as well.

My foray into "online" started way back when A first received his implant and I was online reading all I could on that subject. That foray online lead to the formation 10 years ago of CI Circle, a wonderful internet resource for parents that are seeking information about implants for their child, or contact with others who walk the same path, but perhaps are further along in the journey and able to offer advice based on real life experiences.

In my time online I have "met" so many beautiful people. I use the word "met" because I have met almost none of them face to face in person. I have met some of their children when they have travelled half way around the world and stayed with me, yet I haven't met their parents. Most recently Rachel came to stay with me which was very exciting as her mother and I have been online friends for quite some time now.

When CI Circle first started 10 years ago, there were 9 original members including me. All of the original 9 still communicate with each other today 10 years on. Granted not always as often as we would like but we still stay in touch, update each other on things going in our lives. We have shared in the highs and lows of births of children, illness of family and friends, marriages not surviving and other moments of personal reflection. At Christmas we send cards to each other and if you are really organised like Heidi you even get them to Australia from the USA not only in time for Christmas but with a family photo included. Each year I aspire to be as organised as Heidi but I haven't quite got there yet - my cards went, but not in time to get there by Christmas though : - )

Another person I have come to know in more recent times is Val. Val is it doing it kind of tough at the moment with her sweet boy having his implant removed because of infection and now going through all the processes attached to it. Not that Val would let you know it though, I am not sure I have ever met such a glass half full kind of person, she is truly amazing. As she said herself, you can't sit around feeling sorry for yourself or else you will get left behind while life goes on! There are a few of us CI Circle Ladies as Val calls us who have tried to be there for Val and her son. Not that we are close enough to be able to go over to her house bearing wine and chocolate, but she is in our thoughts and we send her messages at different times, even whilst she was in hospital and her son in surgery we were emailing knowing she could read them on her phone! Yet none of us would be in each others lives unless we had "met" online.

Jodi's blog today talks of someone she "met" online who she finished up exchanging gifts with. This lady had a profound effect on Jodi and many others as she spent many hours offering advice and support to parents via the Listen-Up forum. Such was her positive impact on so many, there is currently an outpouring of grief at her recent passing from inflammatory breast cancer. It is quite a thing when you stop to think about it that we as humans have this capacity to give such warmth and compassion and support via a written forum over the internet that can have such a profound effect on the lives of others that we have never "met" and in most cases probably never will.

It isn't that our friends and family at home don't love us and cherish us and be there for us. It is just that there is something about connecting with someone who has walked the same path, been on the same journey. All our stories have little differences in comparison to each other but none the less, there is this connection we feel. This shared journey connects us all. For each of us on our journey, we have "met" many people online but there is for all of us, a small bunch of people that we connect with at an even higher level. They become our dearest friends, who we share many of our thoughts and feelings with, and they with us. They become almost like our extended family spread all over the world. The funniest thing I find is if I go to speak to a friend or family member here about one of my "online family members" - I laugh at the look on their faces. WHAT THE ???? is clearly spread across their faces.

"You have never met this person in real life though"
"Ah no"
"But you know so much about them and their families"
"Ah yeah"
"But you have never met them, right?"
"Ah no, not in person"

And so it goes on! I guess if you haven't had it happen to you, you just don't get it.

I have been so fortunate to have so many amazing people join my extended family, my online family I haven't met in person : - )

However my New Year 2009 is looking very very exciting when I am going to get to meet in person one of my oldest and dearest online family members. She is one of the original 9 members that CI Circle started with. She and I have similar family dynamics, two sons pretty close in age, oldest being the one with hearing loss, both of our boys having implants. Her son is married now but when we met he was in high school/college days. I jokingly called her the "den mother" as she was the one of us with the oldest child and who had walked the pathway well before us. She and I just clicked right off the bat and enjoyed our conversations with each other online. In the most amazing display of generosity, this den mother has offered her accrued airline points to fly moi to the USA for the Cochlear Celebration conference in March 2009!!! She lives close enough to where the conference is being held that I am going to stay with her and we will commute to the conference each day. I was so astounded at her offer I must have asked her several times "are you sure about this?" - she was and my flight is now booked. I am so unbelievably excited. I am getting to finally meet one of my oldest and dearest online friends. I keep pinching myself to make sure I am not dreaming.

The funny thing is one of the things she shared with the group of 9 was how much she wanted to re-do part of her garden and then we shared the time with her when she finally had it done and had this beautiful part of the garden where she could just go and sit and have a cup of tea and enjoy her surroundings. When I knew for sure I was going, that was the first thing I thought of, that I would be able to sit in her garden with her and share a cup of tea in her special piece of serenity in her part of the world - how awesome will that be???

I'm sure I am preaching to the choir here since you are all onliners reading this, but there sure are some beautiful things to be found online.

So many blessings

Ok I think this blog post might need to come with a warning "navel gazing may have occurred prior to writing this post" *smile*

Maybe it is the time of the year, I don't know, when there is anticipation in the air and of course the question that always comes up "so what do you want for Christmas?". Hubby asked me this again the other day, and honestly I couldn't come up with anything.

Like I said to him, I'm not much of a material/things kind of girl. I mean gifts are lovely, but then you have to find somewhere to put it. In all seriousness I have so many gifts already in my life, I think my cup runneth over as they say in the classics.

I have a wonderful husband and 2 gorgeous sons. Yep we are not the pretend perfection of the Brady Bunch or anything like that, we have our sh*t to deal with like everyone else, but we work as a family unit, we have a home filled with love and support, a safe haven for all of us.

I have my extended family, especially my brother and my mum - the cool kind of family that if you don't happen to touch base for a bit because life gets in the way, there is no guilt or emotional blackmail, there is just sincere warmth when we do catch up - but again if any of us needs the other for any reason, we are all there in a shot!

There are the friends that have made it in to my life via karate - those that share a passion for this stuff. People who make me laugh with their blog posts, others who send me the most beautiful messages via facebook, messages that take my breath away and at the same time make me feel so incredibly humble. Even parents of the kids we teach at karate, who take the time to tell us how much they value what we do and the care we take of their kids in the dojo.

Then there are the friends met on my journey with A. What a mixed bag they are, from all walks of life, all over the world, and each with their own unique story but with that common bond we share.

There is Mr 21 who just graduated from a Bachelor of Economics, at the same age equivalent as his hearing peers. Incredible achievement from the guy who implanted at age 3 had about about 50 words!!! And he is the most gorgeous young man to boot. Oh his mum and dad are pretty awesome too for that matter.

Rachel and her family - the ones who walked that path before us, and her mom that continues to educate and advocate for those little ones and their parents who are just starting out on the journey.

Val and her family - talk about a woman who looks at a glass half full! She is going through some tough stuff with her family at the moment, but doesn't let that drag her down - oh no, she not only takes it in her stride, she uses it to build those amazing bonds with her children and to use those circumstances as life lessons for them that will only stand them in greater steed as they get older.

There is the incredible mom I have known for over 10 years who has very generously offered to try to get me to the USA next year for the Cochlear Celebration, so I can stay with her and finally meet her. Best of all if I actually get to go there, we can get to share a cup of tea in her garden that she has had re-done in the time that I have known her. I have heard so much about it, I look forward to the possibility of just sharing that cup of tea and quite conversation in the beauty of her garden.

In a nutshell, really what material gift could I possibly need? I am already incredibly blessed by the people who have entered and become part of my life during the years of my own journey here.

A tourist in your own town

This week it has been our pleasure to host Rachel for a few days. She has been in Oz for a few weeks and heads off to New Zealand after leaving us today.

Having someone visit your own town makes you think of places to go, things to show them, especially when the time line is tight.

So the first evening we walked around our local area and the resident wildlife were gracious enough to oblige themselves so that Rachel could take some nice shots of them.

The next day she was to present a seminar to a group of parents of deaf and hearing impaired children about bilateral cochlear implants.

However not before we squeezed in Glenelg and its surrounds, including the marina. Where else would we partake of lunch??? The Orange Spot Bakery of course - the first time I have ever had a sweet potato and spinach pasty and oh it was sooo good!

Off to the seminar and then home for a rest and a catch up. It is neat hearing about differences between the USA and here!

The next day it was off to Warrawong so Rachel could pat a kangaroo. Followed by the compulsory visit to Melba's chocolate factory and Woodside cheese - mmmmmmm

And with just a little irony, having patted the kangaroo at Warrawong, we chowed down on the same thing that night for dinner at the Red Ochre - very nice meal and nice company as well when some other family friends joined us.

The last full day was spent exploring the city, and looking for an Adelaide snow globe, because Rachel likes to collect them from each city she visits. May I say that Adelaide officially SUCKS when it comes to Adelaide snow globes!!! There is one small round one with nice stuff on the outside but a very small Victoria Square fountain in there - something like this but a little larger might be nice - but no can do. Then there are these larger ones with a photo from Adelaide kind of stuck up one side, very tardy looking - and that was it - nadda nothing!! How embarrassing - but get this!!! At the Central Market they had no Adelaide ones but one souvenir shop had two Sydney ones WTF????? Are you serious?

Fortunately though, the Central Market did turn it on for wonderful atmosphere, fresh food and lovely people. We headed home with some prawns and SA fruit for a yummy dinner.

Today we farewelled Rachel to the land of the sheep and wish her well for the rest of her trip.

What an amazing experience

B went on the school Quest camp this term. It is 2 weeks away in the Grampians. The whole undertone of the program is "perseverance, selflessness and community spirit" - not something one would usually link to 15 year old - boys in particular.

It is a great program where they really learn a lot about themselves and others.

Activities like abseiling.....

Or the solo night out, where one has to build their own makeshift shelter that they sleep in that night. They can see each other but have to be far enough away so they can't talk to each other - B's comment after he came home "gives you lots of time to think when you are by yourself"

Or the fun of working together as a team to build a raft to get to the other side and even though members of your team tell their "captain" it isn't going to work, he refuses to listen. So onward you and then well you were all right - check out B who was adamant he was going to get his shoes wet!!

Then of course there are the shots you get to see when they get home and you are really really glad you see them after they have arrived home. Afterall in order for them to take these shots, they had to be up this high at some point!!! Yes best their mothers didn't know that this is where they were...

The school uses mentors on these camps that are student teachers who are still studying and have chosen outdoor education as one of their electives. What an unreal prac placement for them too.

As if B didn't already have an awesome time but on his last day of school this week, he (and all the members of his group) received a letter from their mentor about her thoughts and experiences on Quest, her memories of each them. With it was a CD of all the photos she had taken including one printed on to the CD itself - it was a whole group shot with the "team sicko" written underneath them - of course they felt suitably proud to be labelled with that tag. Mum thought B came home from camp looking so buff because of all the things they did - it appears from the letter perhaps it was due to his inclination to swear of late, 10 push ups for every time he was busted swearing....hey if nothing else it built on his fitness right????

They are sent to mess with your head!

Every wondered why we have kids? Sure it is to love them, cherish them and all that good stuff - but in reality, they are here to mess with our head, to stop us getting ahead of ourselves!

Take the hormone tornado of Friday afternoon.

Yesterday when hubby and I arrived home after grocery shopping, the hormone tornado (unasked and unprompted) came out and helped unload everything.

Then started putting stuff away! I kid you not! This from the ball of testerone induced madness at the world and all the rules in it, not 24 hours before.

This morning (when I should have been cleaning) I sat at the computer, whilst hearing snippets from the next room of B and his Dad making their home made version of ferrero rocher chocolates. It was really nice and B had the best time and really really enjoyed himself. In the craziness of life it was nice for Dad and son to spend some time together just hanging out doing fun stuff together.

Yup they sure mess with my head and keep me on toes - but wouldn't swap them for anything!

The numbers are in

OK so boy wonder has been working hard - note BEEN - he is now on holidays while we all have a week to go!!

He finished his last exam on Wednesday and today they were collected.

Italian 18/20 - now that just blows my socks off I tell you!
English 6 (max is a 7)
PE 38/40
Science 86% (with a note from his class teacher that was the top mark for the class!)
Maths 62%

He knew he hadn't done well in maths and it was a hard paper by all accounts but overall he is really happy with how he has done! I am pretty damn impressed myself *smile*

I called him today from work to let him know and he was quite chatty and we talked about the big picture stuff - got to say, still really love that he can chat on the phone with me like that.

End of the day the hormone tornado blew in to my office with a full on ready to rant about stupid rules, b***h management staff - oh yeah on a roll and then some - he could of got a gig on Kath's recent blog post I reckon : - ) Well as the story unfolded he was indeed in the wrong - try telling that to a hormonal 15 year old - and we talked about why the rules are in place and you don't have to agree with them buddy, ya just have to live within them.

My final words as we were almost home - I point to my head and say "look" and he is like "what you don't have any grey hair" to which I replied "yeah and lets just to keep it that way!!!"

He has chilled now, got home, hanging with his big bro and all that has been forgotten for now....you see, fate/destiny/higher order powers what ever you believe in really has just a sick sense of humour! They give you one to lull you into a false sense of security that maybe you have a handle on this parenting game - then whammo hit you with the bleeding obvious of the fact you should realise, like everyone else you have no clue!!

He is a good kid at heart and I know we will get through this and all I can do as mum is to be there, keep communicating and trying to guide him in the right direction -as he so elolquently put it today "Hey I have only had a couple of catch up classes and one Friday afternoon detention in 4 years at this school!" Yes indeed he has and that puts him well on top of the behaviour pool of some in his year level!

Roll on Christmas holidays - not long now and then I get the added bonus of having Rachel here with me for a few days!

The little details

Well when I left the world of the commercial biotechnology for a job in a school, many a person shook their head in disbelief. Why are you doing that? Aren't taking a huge pay cut? Won't you get bored? etc etc

Sure in my current position, I don't have the pressure, I don't have the long family unfriendly hours and perhaps sometimes not the challenges either.....but...there are other things like seeing young kids engaged in science and enjoying their time in the lab. Getting to try out new and exciting things for them to do in their courses the following year....

But the biggest thing is most definitely being on the ground at my boys' school. I am not a teacher so I don't attract the baggage some kids have when their folks are teachers. However it is because I am around that I really get to appreciate all the little things that happen in and around the school that wouldn't happen if I wasn't so accessible.

Take today...a member of staff saw me in the yard and approached me to discuss an issue that had been forwarded to her, and to get an understanding of the issue for herself.

Then later I returned to my work area to find a message on my phone from the head of special ed. A isn't in the special ed program at his school but he does get the extra time allowance for exams. He is just completing his year 10 exams this week. The message on my phone was the head of special ed checking in with me to see how A was going with his exams. I called her back and she just wanted to see how he was going, if anything else we hadn't foreseen had come up that we might need to look at for next year and the year 11 exams. How cool is that???

See, just because I am only a quick call or conversation in the yard away, I have conversations I know simply wouldn't happen if I didnt' work there - not because the staff don't care but because they get so busy.

Ah yup I sure do appreciate the little things these days....

One down, four to go

Well A has embarked on the year 10 exams this week. It has been put in the context of more a case of gaining experience in doing exams in readiness for year 11 and 12, rather than it being the be all and end all of their success in year 10.

Yesterday was Italian. No aural component for the exam this year, that comes next year. Instead they had to look at a picture and write a dialogue for the two characters in the picture. A had spent a lot of time studying, but he looked so nervous before he went in, poor little bugger. I told him being nervous was a good sign, it meant that it was important to him and he wanted to do well. I also told him, he had studied hard and done all he could do, whatever happened now, would just happen and there was nothing more he could do.

He came out of the exam feeling like he had done pretty well.

Next up is English. Which is kind of good really, gets the two subjects he feels are most challenging out of the way first, then it is on to PE, Maths and Science.

Impermanence

A good friend of mine sent me this piece, and it was so brilliant I have to share it here.

It is written by by Judith Hanson Lasater, Ph.D., who is a physical therapist and has taught yoga around the world since 1971. Her latest book is 30 Essential Yoga Poses, and her Web site is http://www.judithlasater.com/.

Whilst I am not a yoga person I love what this article says to me; it really makes you think about things in a whole different perspective after you have read it...enjoy....

After the Laundry, the Laundry

Impermanence is the truth of life. Embracing it in our most basic daily activities can be the key to everyday ease.

Living with a busy family, I often feel just like one of the Tibetan monks I once saw making an intricately designed sand mandala. For months, they bent over the ground, arranging the sand grain by grain, and once their beautiful creation was complete, they cheerfully destroyed it in the ultimate celebration of impermanence.

While I don't create ceremonial mandalas, I do wash the dishes. And when I come back to the sink later, dirty dishes have appeared again. I fold and put away a basketful of laundry, and in no time, the basket is full again. Even my yoga mat is a reminder of impermanence. Just this morning, it was stretched out on the floor, filled up with my movements, and now it leans against the wall, empty and forlorn.

As the Buddha said, impermanence is the nature of the human condition. This is a truth we know in our minds but tend to resist in our hearts. Change happens all around us, all the time, yet we long for the predictable, the consistent. We want the reassurance that comes from things remaining the same. We find ourselves shocked when people die, even though death is the most predictable part of life.

We can even look to our yoga mat to watch this pattern play itself out. We often find ourselves attached to a never-ending process of "improvement" in our asanas. They do improve quickly at first—in the beginning, we are on a honeymoon of discovery; we grow by leaps and bounds in ability and understanding. After a couple of decades, however, our poses change much less. As our practice matures, it becomes more about consistency, deeper understanding, and smaller breakthroughs. This is not to say we won't continue to improve, but the improvement may be subtler. Oftentimes, we can no longer practice certain poses because of age or injury, yet we feel agitated because we assume that the poses of our youth should be the poses of our middle and old age. We are surprised when familiar asanas become difficult and formerly difficult ones become impossible.

What's the lesson here? Experiencing remarkable improvement on a continual basis, it turns out, is a temporary stage. Realizing this puts us in touch with the truth of impermanence; remaining attached to the practice of our past creates suffering in us. In India, the home of yoga, there is a traditional Hindu social model that underscores the change we continuously experience. Called the Ashramas, or Stages of Life, it defines four distinct periods in life, during which people can and should do certain things. The first, brahmacharya (brahmic conduct), is the student stage, during which one learns about oneself and the world; the second, grihastha (householder), is the stage of family and societal obligations. The last two stages focus on renunciation. During the third, vanaprastha (forest dweller), one is freer to begin a contemplative life. And during stage four, samnyasa (renunciation), one goes deeper, surrendering all worldly things and living as a simple mendicant.

The beauty of this model is its inherent acknowledgement of the impermanence of each stage of life. There is wisdom in this awareness—not just because our lives do obviously and unavoidably change but, more important, because when we accept this fact as truth, we suffer so much less.

Without having an awareness of impermanence, we typically fall into one of two patterns: denial or depression. Although we cannot escape the impermanence of life and the fact that we are going to die, we desperately deny these truths; we cling to our youth or surround ourselves with material comforts. We color our hair, Botox our foreheads, and touch our toes. Or, if denial isn't a good fit with our personality, we may unconsciously turn away from the truth by feeling depressed or withdrawn from life.

Yoga philosophy offers an alternative to these tendencies. It is to embrace the powerful truth spoken by all great teachers: the power of living in the unchanging eternal present. The first verse of Patanjali's Yoga Sutra states, "Atha yoga anushasanam," which translates as, "Now is an exposition on yoga." The power of this verse is often lost on readers who interpret the words as an introduction of little value. But in my view, Patanjali does not use unnecessary words. That first word is the key. The verse is intended to underscore the importance of the study of yoga right now. It encourages us to focus on what is happening to the body, mind, breath, and emotions in this moment. Now is a word that is powerful and sufficient enough by itself to be used as a life study, a sort of mantra. The ability to respond to now, to live in now, to enjoy each precious moment without clinging to it or pushing it away is the essence of spiritual practice.

Yoga philosophy as a whole is predicated on the notion that identification with the temporary, changing aspect of reality leads to suffering, while recognition of the eternal, changeless Self leads to peace. In day-to-day life, these concepts seem interesting at best and esoteric at worst. But remembering the eternal in daily conversations, tasks, and actions is really the key to transforming our lives. Unless we are able to return to the "big picture" of our lives, we will be caught up in the minutiae of being late for an appointment or losing a favorite earring. What gives life its juice is the ability to mourn the lost earring fully and simultaneously know it doesn't ultimately matter.

In other words, we can live to the fullest when we recognize that our suffering is based not on the fact of impermanence but rather on our reaction to that impermanence. When we forget the truth of impermanence, we forget the truth of life. Spiritual practice is about remembering that truth and then embracing it. In the past, I kept doing the laundry so it would finally be "done." Of course, it never gets done. Now when I look into the laundry basket, whether it is full or empty, I try to see it as an expression of what life is all about: moving through the different stages, surrendering to impermanence, and remembering to embrace it all.

When doing too well becomes an issue

Feeling a little frustrated this week....

Granted I am probably not the most tolerant, missing B like crazy - 2 more sleeps til he is home *smile*

Now I have told you before A is studying Italian this year and is doing simply amazing things. However when he has to listen to a pre-recorded piece of someone speaking in Italian, he finds that by the time he has interpreted what he thought he heard, he has missed the next bit.

So we had discussed the notion of having someone read from a transcript then he could hear and lip read to help make the listening part easier and give him equal access to that of his hearing peers.

I spoke to the person who liaises with the external examination people and he didn't think it was an issue as we were not giving A an unfair advantage over his hearing peers, simply ensuring that he had the best chance to hear and understand what was being said.

I saw A's Italian teacher the other day and raised it with him. I was a little non-plussed I have to say. His feeling was that A was doing so well, within the top 2 in his class on the last test, that we shouldn't be making changes just yet, lets just see how he goes. Well he hadn't really read and understood what we were even asking for, as he was talking about it becoming a written comprehension test when it was still going to be oral/aural anyway!!! I kind of felt like he was just saying that because maybe doing things differently was going to be an issue.

My first reaction was to bolt down to the special ed teacher's office and talk to her BUT I didn't. I waited until I could speak to A about it. I asked him his thoughts, and he wants a transcript and a person to read it to him.

I went home and spoke to hubby about it, I was actually quite steamed! This kid has made it to senior school with virtually no accomodations apart from teachers wearing his FM. He isn't looking for an easy ride here, his teachers know him and know he works hard and puts his best effort in ALWAYS!! Yet when he actually asks for something, there is this resistance because "he is doing so well".

YEAH but how about how damn hard he is having to work compared to his hearing peers on that one!! How about the fact he works extra hard all day every day listening in his daily environment to such a brilliant level that his teachers mostly forget he even has a hearing loss. BUT when it comes to one of his teachers having to do something a bit differently, I get, hmm lets not rush into making changes???? I think not!

So today I went to have a chat with the special ed teacher and voiced my concerns. End result we will plan a meeting at the beginning of the new year with everyone involved and get what A needs on the table and in place for him for the start of his school year next year.

Honestly I am still a little surprised that doing too well can work against you - but it seems like sometimes it does - unless of course you happen to have a mum that is a pushy b*tch! *smile*

The world at his feet

In amongst my missing my baby like crazy his older brother has provided a moment or two.

He is of course studying Italian for the first time. He recently had to listen to a tape of someone speaking and then answer questions about it. He commented afterwards to me that he found it difficult because the person speaking spoke too quickly and by the time he had worked out what he had heard, he missed the next part. I remember Rachel telling me that when she did her French, they had someone read a transcript so they could read a little slower and more clearly so that she could hear what was being said and not be disadvantaged by her hearing loss.

So I have raised that with the folk at school and they are all happy to oblige but of course A had one of these coming up on Friday and time wasn't going to permit the transcription by then so we would just see how he went.

A was pretty happy afterwards telling me that his teacher was generous when he marked it. Further investigation found that he wasn't so much generous as marking the paper based on whether A had understood what was said and what the question asked. For example one was a street name, he knew it was the name of the street it was asking for but only got half the street name when he heard it - but the teacher marked it correct since he knew what was said, and what was being asked of him and gave the correct answer as he had heard it. We will get the transcription happening before the next one.

The most amazing part though came with A's later story on the Italian test. He has always been exceptionally good at "gap filling" in English - if he doesn't quite hear the word the first time, he can usually guess what it is based on the rest of the sentence he heard and putting it into context. We have talked to him about that in terms of his booth results for sentence testing versus individual word testing, so he is aware of his abilities in "gap filling".

So he tells me later that day "I realised just what an awesome gap filler I am today".

"oh really A and how is that?"

"well I head the one word but not the other in the statement in Italian. The comprehension question asked for which 2 words ask the question.... I heard the second, I knew the rule that goes with that type of question, so I knew which word had to go with the second one in order to be the correct question. So I put that one down and got it right, even though I didn't hear it all, I just guessed it with my awesome gap filling skills"

At which point, I am trying to collect my bottom jaw from the scraping on the laces of my shoes. OK I get gap filling in English - but now in the midst of hearing on a tape, in another language, having to remember the grammatical rules of that language - he gap fills to work out the answer to the question?????? What the????

Not a day goes by that he doesn't astound me with his capacity for adapting and just going out there grabbing that ball and running with it!

This kid with his nothing is impossible attitude, sure does have the world at his feet.

oh and for the record, scored 12/15 in the Italian test!!

One week and counting

one week down, one more to go....

When you are in the rush, rush of here and there in life, it is amazing just how much your kids fill your thoughts and life isn't it? Master B has been gone a week, well actually not quite a week, just 5 days but it seems like so much longer....

I miss his crazy arguments and reasons why he can't start his homework until after he has chatted on msn with his school friends, whose company he left not half an hour before.

I miss his mop of blonde hair that all too frequently I have to address with "you need a hair cut!"

I miss the attempt at rational conversation around "school is gay, teachers are gay, what a waste of the last 10 years of my life".

I miss the fact that even though he is a know it all teen, he still likes the fact that his mum comes upstairs each night to kiss him good night and give him a cuddle (or her cold hands under quilt if the mischevious mood strikes).

I miss having to navigate the chicanes of the meals area in the morning, me with 2 dogs in hot pursuit waiting for breakfast, Jimmi Hendrix junior strumming away on his electric guitar, squeezing in 10 minutes of playing time before we leave for school - his 2 guitars sitting side by side unmoved for the last 5 days are such a reminder he isn't here right now.

Bella, my gorgeous mutt, is also at a loss. Sure I'm here, hubby is here and A is here too - but not her beloved B!! The one who on arriving home every afternoon without fail, drops to the floor to smother her with pats and kisses on the top of her head. She laying there tail beating out that steady drum of pure heaven as she gets that special moment of attention. Then when the cuddles are over, she starts annoying him with the ball at his feet, til he throws it for her - yeah in the house, we are a doggy household - no apologies.

Instead I now find my quiet TV time interrupted with the continual arrival of a slightly soggy, split tennis ball in my lap and a big pair of pathetic brown eyes willing me to just pick it up and throw it for her.

It is an ironic and yet beautifully moving thing - this dear sweet boy who has at times been in the shadow of his older brother's hearing loss, sure leaves a big old hole when he isn't here.

Nine more sleeps to go and counting......